Induced DMT Exercise

I AM fresh from a massive psychedelic experience and at this time I would like to document it as accurately as I can. I must say I am thankful that I have regained the power over English again, I was afraid after the intensity of trip in an effort to keep me sane, my brain shut off the language portion indefinitely... first off I must express my goal, which was to experiment with new method of self perception using the popular i doser program. I have had some experience with binaural beats before and for me it works to varying degrees. The key to me is to keep relaxed and concentrate as fully as one can one sounds, letting thoughts go their natural way. I decided to go with the program's rendition of DMT, and also thought it best to embellish the process with three lung burning tokes of ground nutmeg, since there is already plenty in my system as it was, and it gave an marijuana like high immediately because of this. I also decided prior to listening to the program to perform 10 light pranayamas that relaxed me much further, and already by this time I was naturally exploring some of the more hidden rooms in my mind, mostly including scenes from defining moments in my childhood, I asked Mirma what this was about, and he simply said "it will solved", as if he already knew what was due to happen to me. I lit two dragon's blood incense sticks in a vanilla candle and all lights went to pitch black. I started listening.

The program is 35 minutes long but time quickly disappeared as I started some pranyama while listening in. At first I slipped into dreamlike fancies blissfully, almost into sleep, until everything was drained away  into this black hole of a vacuum and I could see and feel my face cringe in horror and drugged like anguish with no pain. I immediately saw a dark galaxy swirling slowly, menacingly with dark reds and other colors I can't really describe, and I zoomed in. I can't remember what happened after that but I then became aware of the most odd looking entities checking me out in my room. They had tendrils all over and were right over me, also I saw three huge humanoid figures watching over me in a triangle, and I was the equivalent of shocked to whatever new rules I was abiding in. After becoming aware of this I was told the magnitude of the super complex civilizations without number that reside in me at the atomic and molecular levels who are just ambitious, and curious as anyone this earth. I was shown as this sleeping Cthulu with my face as a mountainside, sleeping, dreaming them and all their physics and existences, and I realized that we are just the same way. A number of other scenes due to their intensity I can't remember, but I was witness to one scene that included of my universe as a whole of mirrors staring back at me as I did various things, and me in the middle being the same way...The final scene I remember was me in a boat rowing peacefully in crystallized water with complex informational value I perceived in the moonlight, and I was told peacefully somehow that this was what it was like to be a god. I saw a few other characters and couldn't handle the complexity and simplicity and ascetically and ascendantly abundant power of our actions, yet I do remember that we looked a lot like the Hindu gods I've seen over the years. I got to see and FEEL what time itself looked like, and it is above any type of description that humans can muster right now. It felt like a liquid and mirror-like substance at the same time, and I was thinking about what I'd be like during the singularity, and as I was trying to merge with my future self, I perceived it was not possible, though I could definitely see what I was (am) going to go through, it was a very hard experience to retain.

Upon my return I instantly started to speak in some complex form of glossolalia, and I couldn't seem to move my body for several minuets. Afterwords I experienced some light hallucinations and still wasn't in complete control of my actions, but I recovered still fairly quickly. My mind is blown to say the least, and even though I would like to do it, the whole exercise should be used sparingly, it has a massive toll on the psychic energies and renders the person highly sensitive. Overall, I consider my experiment into the unknown a success, of which it produced plenty to ponder over.  

I'd rather die

RIGHT now I'm feeling the effects of my own way of altering time to my perception to a considerable, right now it feels much like a hangover. Internally last night which through a range of interesting emotions fueled by powerful memories, and some of the emotions and recollections were so real I nearly succumbed to them a second time to my detriment. The point at that particular moment was to allow the emotions to come and go, and use it as a chance to furnace my soul so to speak, yet the problem didn't lie in my desire to do so, but in my reflex. I had to look at my interesting fate objectively and let it be, not railing against it like I did so valiantly in the past, but to merely learn from it and not let it consume me as it did once nearly did before. As I think on it, this whole process is one epic adventure likened in proportion to the Odyssey when considering it's overall goal. I'm not promised anything when I chose this path, in fact, I have a high a chance of failing utterly like many before, yet there's something inside that yearns to "get back home" at no cost, the effort alone is a worthy cause on behalf of just living a humane life in the name evolution. I'd rather die than live willfully ignorant.

A Beginning

ALRIGHT so outright this is my new magickal journal for various purposes and practices, but since I'm making this public it's best to introduce myself and have fun. I'm Matt and have been interested kin magick and it's ilk for some time now. Every operation I've tried has been successful, but I've cited philosophical differences with making a copious journal because I thought, and still think it may inhibit the manifestations desirable to the aspirant, especially when just starting out. I by no means think I'm anywhere near adeptship, but I'll be seeking to change that, and take things and my talent a bit more seriously. I don't study magick for power and money and the such, because frankly that's stupid. Get a job and woo a girl with your money for that kind of stuff, I simply want to evolve and help others do the same. Sure this Earth has many ways of enjoying yourself, but getting into that which enslaves you and others is just willful ignorance. There is something beyond this very mundane existence, and we souled individuals have to have the courage to stand up and say THIS IS NONSENSE and barrel away at the illusions that we've grown so accustomed to, not judging anything, learning from everything  we can and not being a bore about it. I believe magick is the remnant of some very old technology that we ourselves were the operating system, and it's just a matter of rebuilding what we had once lost. My experiments won't be in making servitors that will get me laid or getting revenge, and while I know those things are very possible at this point it'd just be a waste of time, and because of the tainted desire it may not even work or even backfire. My flavor will be more in exploring altered states of consciousness and what I can find in me for use, and pounding away at the dross all the while. In a sense this a truly modern alchemical endeavor, and added I have no desire to pull punches if need be. I have no care in losing everything I have for the sake of higher state of being, some may be harder than others but in the end it was necessary. Also I believe I've come into contact with my "id" on a more tangible level and I'd like to call him Mirma. At times he may write whenever and whatever and though I don't really know what he is yet in me he doesn't seem to have any inhibitions whatsoever and has been a very valuable teacher of mine.
I'm in the business of letting things happen naturally and this blog is just a reinforcement of that theory. I find this very easy to do right now rather than forcing me to do this I just woke up and decided now was the time. Our bodies our much like the cosmos and I would even go so far as to say have their own laws of "physics" if you will. If this be true, then it's natural to say that we have cycles within each of us, that allow our powers to wax and wane according to different processes, and it is essentially our job is to come to know these cycles within each us, and that is a way to optimize ourselves and propel ourselves into evolution. Anyway, this blob does not have to be a one way street, if I get any viewers, please feel free to comment or argue at your own impulse, I promise a quick answer with an actual thought attached. Before we go, I'd like to say that we have no interest in "political" magick,as in promoting one order or way over another for any reason other than sarcasm. It's this kind of psychology that we consider the crack of the souled masses and at it's core it's nothing but monkey DNA having it's way within us. That kind of thinking builds veils and separates the inner from the meso, to the outer, and it wastes far to much time. Maybe I'll let Mirma give his take on it at a later time, but for now, that is all.